500 bricks

*Scottish accent*

When I wake up,
Hell I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who really needs to pee.

And when I'm hungry,
Hell I know it's gonna be
It's gonna be the same old biscuit for me.

If I'm late up,
Hell I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who Robbie's gonna tease.

And when I go out,
Hell I know it's gonna be
It's gonna be the same old bricklaying for me.

I will lay 500 bricks
And I will lay 500 more
Just to be the man who lays 1000 bricks
To be told it's all wrong.

And when I come back,
Hell I'm hoping it's gonna be
It's gonna be some bone free meat eventually.

And when I need to,
Hell I know I'm gonna need
I'm gonna need to ask Kev for some loo roll.

But if my aim's off,
Hell Phil is gonna be
He gonna be one pissed off guy at me.

Then when I'm sweaty,
Hell the shower's gonna be
It's gonna be one chilly trickle down on me.

And I will lay 500 bricks
Oh I will lay 500 more
Just to be that man who lays 1000 bricks
To fix it on the next course

*Der de der der,
           Der de der der,
 Der de der der,
           Der de der der,
Der der dundiddle dundiddle dundiddle dun dah dah
Der de der der,
           Der de der der,
 Der de der der,
           Der de der der,
Der der dundiddle dundiddle dundiddle dun dah dah*

And when I cater,
Hell I know it's gonna be
It's gonna be one early morning for me.

And when I'm cooking,
I hope it isn't gonna be
Gonna be a smokey plate of curry for tea.

And when I'm washing,
Hell it's finally gonna be
It's gonna be some nice clean pants for me.

Then when I'm resting,
Hell I know there's gonna be
There's gonna be a nice place to sh*t finally
I'm gonna be the guy who comes back home...
All clean.

And I will lay 500 bricks
Oh I will lay 500 more
Just to be that mazungu who laid 1000 bricks
To find Karen cackling at me.

*Der de der der etc*

Love from Sam Campbell and Jack Saville
Xxx