Inside out....Karen edition!

Okay so it's day ten
Wait.
REST DAY YAYAYAY.
It's Karen's rest day! Whoooooo rest rest rest rest rest
Wait.
Karen Ok stop think about work .
We need to figure out who is shittin all over the long drops...I've already interrogated  Niall and Robbie.
Poor Kev it could be him? To be honest at this point it could be anyone.
Right let's check catering
Oh bugger they burnt the.eggs again.
Grumpy Karen.
Shout at Bainbridge
Ahhhhhh All better
Oh no it's Stewart coming to talk to me.
No no no no no
GODDAMIT Stewart
Okay so are a few courses down, had to take off a few bricks if that's okay.
Is that the kids singing the circle of life?
*Karen Cackles to herself *
At least I don't need to lay a brick today hehehe It's My Rest dayyyy!!!!!
Okay time to go everyone. In the car nice and easy
How did I get landed with the ginger team? The car is going to be weighed down by all the sun cream.
Off we go venturing, onwards out of the safety of our mighty fine camp
I wonder what I'm going to see
Oh yeah I remember
This desert again
Oops a little bit bumpy c'mon Karen keep it steady
Ohhh zebras !!!!!
Okay take this hill slow
Nicley done Karen
Ohhhhh ostriches!!
Here we are again
Engaruka
God I hate this place
Yep take a good look kids at the desolate waste land we were considering forcing you to live for a month
I know I know thank me later for breaking it to the locals
Right quick
Get in the van
I see Solomon on that far hill
Get the pedal down
Zoom zoom
Back we goooooo
Giraffe lodge weeeeeeee
And a pool. Nice.
Ahhh Luke in a bikini hide my eyes
Oh no I wonder how they are doing on site better ring Phil
Oh well I'm glad I'm not there....everyone's bums leaking
I wonder how Lotti Bob and Gary are doing with the shopping
Oh well sounds like a success to me they got everything for the best price possible what great guys, and gal! Silly Karen it's 2017 oooooh I wish I had cake like them I'm so jealous
Time to go back to camp
Well tea was nice
Oh no everyone is singing again
Bed time ! Ah all comfy
Aahhhhhhhhhh
Oh no ! I need a wee!

By Holly and Bob

500 bricks

*Scottish accent*

When I wake up,
Hell I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who really needs to pee.

And when I'm hungry,
Hell I know it's gonna be
It's gonna be the same old biscuit for me.

If I'm late up,
Hell I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who Robbie's gonna tease.

And when I go out,
Hell I know it's gonna be
It's gonna be the same old bricklaying for me.

I will lay 500 bricks
And I will lay 500 more
Just to be the man who lays 1000 bricks
To be told it's all wrong.

And when I come back,
Hell I'm hoping it's gonna be
It's gonna be some bone free meat eventually.

And when I need to,
Hell I know I'm gonna need
I'm gonna need to ask Kev for some loo roll.

But if my aim's off,
Hell Phil is gonna be
He gonna be one pissed off guy at me.

Then when I'm sweaty,
Hell the shower's gonna be
It's gonna be one chilly trickle down on me.

And I will lay 500 bricks
Oh I will lay 500 more
Just to be that man who lays 1000 bricks
To fix it on the next course

*Der de der der,
           Der de der der,
 Der de der der,
           Der de der der,
Der der dundiddle dundiddle dundiddle dun dah dah
Der de der der,
           Der de der der,
 Der de der der,
           Der de der der,
Der der dundiddle dundiddle dundiddle dun dah dah*

And when I cater,
Hell I know it's gonna be
It's gonna be one early morning for me.

And when I'm cooking,
I hope it isn't gonna be
Gonna be a smokey plate of curry for tea.

And when I'm washing,
Hell it's finally gonna be
It's gonna be some nice clean pants for me.

Then when I'm resting,
Hell I know there's gonna be
There's gonna be a nice place to sh*t finally
I'm gonna be the guy who comes back home...
All clean.

And I will lay 500 bricks
Oh I will lay 500 more
Just to be that mazungu who laid 1000 bricks
To find Karen cackling at me.

*Der de der der etc*

Love from Sam Campbell and Jack Saville
Xxx

Once upon a time....

Once apon a time there was a group of idiots that went on an adventure to the land of Tanzania, home to a blistering sun and many interesting locals. On the day of Saturday in particular the sun was beating on the idiots  more than usual and the locals were out and feeling talkative.

The first that they met was a young lad called Ahrri who was loud, proud and quite good at English. His dance moves were nothing to sneeze at either.

The next, Martin, who had a voice that even the grumpiest person couldn't help but smile at. The headphones on his head also led to him breaking into random bursts of song and dance.

The third and last I will be mentioning (because my god a lot came to see us) was Mary. She was a shy girl who stood to the side for most of the encounter but she came out of her shell when she saw Esme's hair and began to plait and play with it.

Many games were played, one of which was piggy in the middle. This game lasted the longest and distracted team three for 15 minites. In the end however work had to be done and the fun ended but the memory still stands firm in our minds.
The end. (And now I pass on writing to my
co-writer)

The scaffolding is up and we're all still working hard bricklaying.  The work was getting extremely hard as the weather was just too hot, and the ginger team (team 6) especially felt the effects of this. The wall is getting really good and is beginning to look like an actual building. All I can say for now is we are all tired and ready for some well deserved rest. See you all soon!                   

By David Hodgson and Joshua Whiffin

Massai Memories

Luckily we have some explorers with fantastic memories! At last our evening blog!

At last our rest day had finally arrived
But with Niall and Robbie we weren't sure we'd survive
From the campsite we did depart
To Mto wa Mbu to buy some fine art
In the markets there were some persistant traders
With some foods that would produce some interesting flavours

We drove to engaruka for what seemed like a while
But the journey certainly gave all the group a smile
Engaruka was hot and the roads were all bumpy but the team was the opposite of grumpy
We met up with soloman our tour guide
Who took us for a 'long' interesting ride

We drove again for an hour or two
To a lodge where we could all finally have a poo
We ordered our food and went for a swim
In the mean time dan almost lost a limb
The food arrived after an hour or three
And after i made sure i was throughly empty

To camp we had to finally return
Where we all shared what we had learned
The catering team made a smashing tea 
But after gorging on burgers it was too much for me
The day had finally drawn to a close
So I went to my tent and off I dose

(No team members were harmed in the making of this blog)

By Big Bainbridge and Dan Tansley feat Max York

Technical Hitch

Unfortunately Karen volunteered to sort the blog last night.... bad idea.... the post is now stuck!  It was a beautiful poem from Big Bainbridge and Dan about the rest day. Really sorry guys! Here are some building site photos though....

Promise technically competent leaders from now on!

A Tanzania Night's Dream by Jack & Max York

(As dusk falls on the build site and the sky turns from blue to pink and eventually black, the bricks get settle in their new resting places. The expedition has retreated to the campsite. "Ooo's" and "ahh's" are heard from the showers and the gentle crackle of the fire can be heard behind the low hum of tired people transitioning from hard work to relaxation. Long clothes are donned and head torches are mounted onto forheads. Local africans peer into the campsite to get a look at the strange "muzungus" who have appeared in their garden. Their children throw small fruits at these strangers hoping for an interaction. Meanwhile in a large marquee that smells of insect repellent and sweaty feet a small group of "muzungus" sit around a table. Jack sits at the head)

Jack: Why doth Karen punish us so?

Rachel: For we but fools for travelling so far for such labour.

Max: She makes us line up row by row, we pass the bricks from hand to hand while others mix cement and sand.

Jack: Why doth thine longdrop light up Joe?

Joe: Thine torch it did not falleth through the crack, it simply landed at the back. Oh my sorrow oh the shame, twas thine longdrop who was to blame.

(A loud cackle is audible)

Tom: Oh here she comes, oh quick friends look busy!

Bob: These beverages are rather fizzy.

[Karen enters, cackling like usual]

Karen: I'm afraid I'll have no remorse until you've laid the thousandth course.

Max: Thine walls they doth gone up so quick?

Karen: That tends to happen when brick is laid on brick.

[Bainbridge enters and calls for quiet]

Bainbridge: Thine stew is ready so please tuck in, but do not put it in the bin.

[The large group fetch their grub. They return and upon begining their feast Luke speaks up]

Luke: Bubble bubble toil and rubble, fire burn and stew doth bubble.

Kevlar: Beef beef, I draw tired of beef. A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse.

Bainbridge: For this is chicken on thine platter, no beef in sight what is the matter?

Kevlar: A shit a shit the longdrop for a shit!

[Kevlar dashes from the table towards the longdrop, stopping to collect a handful of toilet paper]

Tom: Has thou heard of thine ring of fire?

Jack: Ney ney, but the song I quite admire.

Tom: Upon sitting down on wooden throne, dear Kevlar let out quite a moan. Due to hygiene of the expedition lacking, dear Kevlar's crack needs anti bac-ing.

Max: What is this madness, hear what I say how many bricks has this boy lay?

Chris: Speaking of which, how goes the labours? I've made angels delight in two flavours.

Jack: The doors are in the windows soon, it should be done by next full moon.

[Kevlar returns with a puzzled look on his face]

Kevlar: 5 immodium 5 immodium constipation from 5 immodium!

(Roars of laughed echos around the campsite)

Max: Hear friend how goes the day of rest? I've heard the food is the best.

Bethan: We drove, we saw, we splashed, we played and we saw where we should have stayed.

Tom: A day of rest we did deserve, our fragile bodies we have preserved.

Chris: And as quick as Phil's voice disappeared, father Peter soon appeared. He took thy pictures and shook thine hand and quickly left with expedition mug in hand.

[Father Peter enters and soon leaves]

Max: Goodnight my fellow expedition friends, for thine sun doth set and thine day doth end. While wretched mattress stains thy skin, my catering team gets no sleep in.

[The marquee empties and people head to their various tented rooms. A dog barks in the background and the crickets begin their night time sounds. Groans are heard from the children]

Written by Jack & Max York. Assisted by Luke and Bethan

" Oh what a night! "

This next blog is a little different.. And need to be read to the tune of "What a night" by Frankie Valli..

Late July back in 17, what a very hard day for me, 
'Cause I still haven't had a sh*te

On, the build site
We have, laid some bricks it is all the same ,
all too much and it's driving us insane
What a team, what a sight

Oh, I, I can't believe team 1 had a day in the pool and I
As I recall they had burgers too

Oh, what a fright
The smoky water, wasn't good for me
Almost as bad as last night`s tea ;)
Let's hope it's not the same tonight!

I felt a burn so I applied my sun cream
Looking for some shade for a quick break with my team
Oh, sooo bright

And, we, put some scaffolding up against the wall `cos we're too small
and now
Joe can now reach the top of the wall

Oh, what a night
The stars came out and showed their own light
Seemed so dark but now it seems so bright
What a view, what a night

I felt a rush like a rolling bolt of thunder
Running to the long drop, where is my loo roll?
Oh, what a night?
(Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do)

Oh, what a night...

Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons
( aka Alex Parkes, Jacob Lynch and Joe Morgan )

Are we nearly done yet?

Day 3 in Mtu Wa Mbu, and the explorers slowly arise. Welcome to Tanzania, this is a campsite.

7 am we were up and ready to work and
the explorers had biscuits and left for the work site, and getting straight to work completing 4 courses on the gable ends and 1 course on the side wall, leaving spaces for the doors.

9 am

For breakfast we had scrambled eggs and beans on bread, just what you want and need when using a long drop. Then taking tablets which Adam failed to do once again letting it dissolve in his mouth. TASTY! We then went back to work as the sun was reaching its peak.

12:30 pm

The group had gone in marque as the catering team had prepared lunch and while writing this we still can't tell what it was we had. After a nice relaxing 1 hour break we were back to work. All sun creamed up, yes even Jacob don't worry we read out all the blog comments.

5 pm

At the end of the tiring day the explorers had completed 7 courses on the gable ends and 2 in the side wall. Now getting to the explorers favourite part of the day, showers which Ellis took 4 minutes to turn on. Next everyone had their tea ( beef, flat bread and salad ) thanks to group 3 on catering.

8 pm

After washing up the explorers dug into their free time playing cards and poker with bottle tops thanks to Oscar, however Smailes cannot play due to his gambling addiction.

Can't wait to start building tomorrow, getting closer and closer to flamingo lodge. Lucky team 1 however enjoying the first rest day of the expedition.

Goodnight we're off to bed, thanks for reading,
Adam and Ellis

And the building begins!

Day 1 onsite...

We embark on our first day of manual labour.Yay. We woke up bright and early for breakfast and made our way to the build site or catering (glad that wasn't me).

On the build site we spent the morning carrying/throwing bricks (we saw some very very very large birds, I think they were dinosaurs). We then stopped for lunch and proceeded to carry bricks for another couple of hours. Then... We actually started to lay them (we built a small wall). A couple of sunburns later we stopped for tea, it was very tasty (ish, twas a bit chewy and by that I mean it was bone).

Now from the view of the catering team...

We woke up even brighter and earlier than the build team. We were down at the kitchen by 7:30am (or 7:35am if like me, Molly, you decided to ignore your alarm and were instead woken up at 7:28am by a very jolly Tom Scott). We made eggy bread for breakfast. Yum. We then boiled water for drinking, chopped wood and kept the fire going until lunch. Then after we prepared tea by trying to pull meat off the bones and chopping various vegetables. For tea we made a very scrumptious shepherds pie. Then we had cake to celebrate Jack's birthday.

The toilets that we have to "do our business in" are one of the hardest things to do. We have go find the right position and then the sound is just revolting... We have to sit and listen to our business just.. drop. Our showers are cold but somehow satisfying. It may only be day one but we know that our time here is going to be one in a million.

This blog was creatively written by the beautiful Esme, Molly and Charlotte

P.S.  Esme: Mummy and Daddy, I love you and thank you for the letters, for tea when I get back please can I have pizza and curly fries also I learned that a can swallow the tablet with food, yay, tell Jacob, morgan, rhea and tilly that I kind of miss them, ish, not very much, I am actually enjoying myself, I love you, goodbye.I love you okay goodbye, I love you.xxx The stars are amazing.

Charlotte: To my grandma and drew, make sure drew is actually doing something to help you around the house. Make sure his hair is clean and he doesn't smell. When you go to London please bring something back for me and mum. I love you so much and can't wait to see you both xxx

Molly:
Hello Mum and Dad I would like to say that I miss you a lot and when I get back remember the steak and chips! I love you both so much and can you tell poppy, Jacob ( when he gets back), Nat, Martha, Isaac and Lucy that I miss them all and I love them. P.S. Please comment if you read this. P.P.S. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

A-freakin' Long Journey

A long time ago, in a land far far away - Teesside Park  - a crack team of highly skilled dimwits embarked upon a journey that would change the lives of everyone involved forever.

And that was only to Newcastle airport.

The party was almost ruined as more "cunning" members of the group attempted to smuggle deadly artifacts such as scissors and marmite through customs.

Even through such perils, the team managed to stumble their way into Amsterdam, mostly in economy bar one...Karen Askwith, who of course upgraded to business with her platinum air miles.

After a gripping period of sitting on their bums, another plane was boarded, and another team of flight attendants looked at one another uneasily.

9 hours, 3 meals, and plenty of snoring later, the selection of spritely scouts shuffled their way through Kilimanjaro airport to freedom!

And a coach.

Surprisingly luxurious, the coach continued to bumble and bounce along proceedingly more precarious roads until - although a mighty beast - it was thwarted by a sharp bend and a tree.

Culminating in a hostel run by Tanzania's finest hosts (two Danish men), the first day of travelling concluded as a raging success - aided considerably by a delicious "chicken" curry.

In beds as soft as clouds, the posse reluctantly awoke to a surprising and disappointing lack of Danish pastries. Thankfully, the veritable buffet of a breakfast more than made up for pastry deprivation.

Departing almost as soon as they arrived, the group tackled the last hurdle of the cross-continental race to the campsite - the final frontier. Accompanied by genuine Tanzanians acting as guides, the vast majority of the group made the most of these knowledgeable individuals by falling asleep instantaneously.

At long last, the crew docked into Mto Wa Mbu. Reunited with their long-lost brethren, Phillip and Fionda, the rag-tag bunch did a smashing job of setting up the 5-star campsite.

In their final resting place, the expedition now lie, playing cards and mentally preparing for the colossal task ahead of them. Living with cackling Karen and loopy Lotti for the foreseeable future. Oh joy...

Euan, The one true Tom Scott, featuring Tom 'Kevlar' Dixon

Arrival

Just to let everyone know we have arrived in Tanzania and are now on the coach on the way to the hostel in Arusha. Then food....Then some much needed sleep!

And here we go!!

After a very early meet at Teesside Park we all piled onto the coach and are now patiently waiting the check-in desks to open!

Tanzania here we come!!

~L

Progress with the Advance Party

Dave and Phill have been working very hard getting everything ready for our arrival. They have been busy getting to know all the local shopkeepers in Arusha and Mto Wa Mbu getting all the equipment we will need for both the campsite and the school building. 

T-3 Days till the rest of us gatecrash on their peace and quiet!

~L

First load of colourful mattresses for the team

First arrivals in Tanzania

We have heard from our Advanced Party who have arrived safely. After a welcoming supper from Margaret, they are looking forward to getting some rest before starting the job list in the morning.

~L

Checking in at Newcastle Airport at about 3AM